<< tell me how i got this far ; [GS] `-
Sunday, September 03, 2006
by homer simpson.
If a spaceship landed and aliens took me back to their planet and made me their leader, and I got to spend the rest of my life eating doughnuts and watching alien dancing girls and ruling with a swift and merciless hand? That would be sweet.
I may not be the richest man on earth. Or the smartest. Or the handsomest.
Never throw a butcher knife in anger.
The office is no place for off-color remarks or offensive jokes. That's why I never go there.
My favorite color is chocolate.
I'm not afraid to say the word racism, or the words doormat and bee stinger.
Always have plenty of clean white shirts and blue pants.
What kind of fool would leave a pie on a windowsill, anyway?
When you borrow something from your neighbor, always do it under the cover of darkness
Let me just say, Winnie the Pooh getting his head caught in a honey pot? It's not funny. It can really happen
You may think it's easier to de-ice your windshield with a flamethrower, but there are repercussions. Serious repercussions.
There are some things that just aren't meant to be eaten.
The intelligent man wins his battles with pointed words. I'm sorry -- I meant sticks. Pointed sticks.
There are way too many numbers. The world would be a better place if we lost half of them -- starting with 8. I've always hated 8.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard "My God! He's covered in some sort of goo," I'd be a rich man.
Be generous in the bedroom -- share your sandwich.
I've climbed the highest mountains . . . fallen down the deepest valleys . . . I've been to Japan and Africa . . . and I've even gone into space. But I'd trade it all for a piece of candy right now.
When someone tells you your butt is on fire, you should take them at their word.
There is no such thing as a bad doughnut.
Kids are like monkeys, only louder.
If you want results, press the red button. The rest are useless.
You should just name your third kid Baby. Trust me -- it'll save you a lot of hassle.
You can have many different jobs and still be lazy.
When I'm dead, I'm going to sleep. Oh, man, am I going to sleep.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
GENN//
<< im begging; ` [x]
1:58 AM
teach me to feel; please *
- x x x -
